Don’t Lose Your Head…

Don’t lose your head, even when the world and everyone around you are losing theirs. When we can do this we can reason with what is going on. We don’t have to like it and we don’t have to be happy about it, but when we can reason it, then we are best placed to deal with it.

I know it can be incredibly hard to do, based on the environment or the circumstances, but the chance to face any given situation with a sense of clarity will make it easier. It is essential when we are going through change; either in our personal or professional lives. This has been mapped out by the Kübler-Ross Change Curve where by default human nature experiences:

Shock

Denial

Frustration/Anger

Depression

Engagement

Decision

Integration

All of which are navigatable with a level head.

In life, for many we get too old too soon, and too wise too late.

The ability to ‘keep your head’ can most definitely help. Though maybe not with the aging, but most definitely with wisdom. We develop a sixth sense to carry ourselves with a quiet dignity. It may be hard to do, and something times it may be more taxing than others, but bringing a calmness to your body, induces calmness to the mind. A calm mind will take you further than you ever thought possible.

No matter what you are faced with today, don’t lose your head. Make every day like today and you will see a change. Rationale, patience, logic, clarity, strength and empowerment – they’re all a by product…

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com

Lapping The Sofa…

Throughout our lives there will be times where we try. Where we try to do something we haven’t done before, or we try to keep doing something we’ve been working on, but progress is slower than we anticipated.

It’s a bit like seeing someone exercising when they may be out of shape, or bigger than anyone else at the gym. But the truth is they are already lapping everyone sat on the sofa.

Everything we do in life starts with us trying. It might be easy, it might be difficult, it might be seemingly impossible at the first attempt, but try we must.

When we try, we are already a million miles ahead of everyone who doesn’t.

Those who say it can’t be done, should not interrupt those who are trying…

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com

Beauty In The Broken…

Every now and then we all can feel a little bit broken. For many different reasons, and with the reasons varying in just impactful they are. What can feel like it may break us, could be manageable to someone else, and vice-versa. The thing is, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, not really. Our challenges are ours, we may be helped, guided or comforted by others along the way but ultimately it’s still ours.

We all have different coping mechanisms. We all have different ways of processing, adapting, overcoming or accepting. No matter how broken we feel.

For those times when we feel that we just don’t seem to be winning, it’s always worth remembering that a winner is just a loser that tried one more time. There is no shame in how ever many times you lose along the way, the important bit is not letting a loss stop you from wanting to keep trying.

Yesterday I saw something that inspired me, in an unusual kind of way. I saw a flower, a daffodil to be precise, that had a broken stem and appeared to be cast aside on a pathway. But the thing is it still had a sense of beauty. Once you look past the broken bits, it’s still got natural beauty. Well, for those that are prepared to look.

The same applies for you and me. When we are broken we can still be beautiful – through the right eyes. Those that see it are truly special. So never be afraid to be yourself. No matter how broken you may feel.

Keep being you, and always more you.

There is beauty in the broken…

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com

Can You Dig It…?

Occasionally we get times where we should enjoy ourselves more than we allow ourselves to. We set constraints upon ourselves, which effectively hold ourselves back. It can be financial, it can be time, it can be a number of things, and a number more that really don’t matter. The problem is we are stopping ourselves from realising our potential in a moment.

What if you could enjoy yourself every day?

What if you could embrace yourself in this thing called life and realise just how amazing life is because you are in it?

The truth is, we need to get better at letting ourselves do just that. We need to break down these nonsense barriers we erect in our minds and instead focus that energy into enjoying life for all the good, bad and indifferent days we have yet to come. But, if we are putting ourselves out there to embrace it and to enjoy every day with a smile upon our faces, then by design we’ve already made it better. Not just for ourselves, but for everyone we will encounter too.

What if your smile brought a sense of warmth, hope and happiness to someone just because you are being you.

You see, when we allow ourselves to be happy, we allow ourselves to be free. Imagine the peace and love mindset of the sixties. It was about freedom of the mind and of the soul. It may be sixty years later, but we can still give that gift to ourselves – if we let it.

Can you dig it..?

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com

Week Full Of Weekends…

So, today is Good Friday. It’s a time when spring should have definitely ‘sprung’ and we start to long for the longer evenings and warmer weather. The reality this year is a little different. Having spent over 3hrs to drive to the office in Llantrisant in South Wales on Wednesday, the torrential rain, sleet and bitter wind was indicative of anything but springtime. Even last night sat at home it was cold and rainy.

Spring has yet to grace us with its presence.

Or has it?

The truth is, if you go for a walk outside you will see the tell tale signs of spring. The daffodils, the crocus’s, the snow drops and even the tulips. All bringing with them a sense of splendour and of new hope.

I love to see the spring flowers. It’s like nature’s promise that the dark days are passing once more into the abyss of the yesteryear. I guess the best way to look at this is, if you only ever look behind yourself you are only ever going to see shadows, but why linger in shadows when you can walk free of them?

You cannot just look forward to what you want, if you cannot take time out to focus on the present?

The present ain’t a bad place to be – beautiful, brighter than you credit it for and most important of all, it’s full of character, vibrancy and conversations yet to be had. Treat each morning like spring. Know that there is beauty emerging all around you, and take the time to appreciate what you see. Especially when you look in the mirror.

Let’s change it up a bit; today is Good Happy Damn Friday.

Live your life like a week full of weekends…

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com

Still Burning…

There’s a fire inside all of us. Sometimes it burns brighter than others, and that’s ok. Sometimes it can be raging like a forest fire, whilst at times it may seem no more than the 5am embers of the fire that burned bright before.

We need to learn what fuels our fire. What makes us burn brighter than the sun, and in contrast what brings it down to nothing more than a flicker. Understanding this might seem easy to comprehend, but the reality is there will be times when the fluctuation of the flame can be confusing in itself.

Not everything we do will fan our inner fire, similarity not everything we do will quench it.

Our interactions with others can be positive and adverse. To think they will always be positive is naive. But as we grow, we get better at spotting those who only bring an adversity to happiness into our lives. Either through their words, their actions and sometimes even just their physical presence.

We all have the capacity to burn bright. Nothing should stop you from wanting to illuminate the world with your inner flame. Even if you only want to illuminate a little bit at a time. The important bit is that you develop enough self confidence and awareness that you know you deserve to blaze the way, leaving the glow of your greatness behind on everything and everyone along the way.

It is possible that you will have an impact on others without even realising just how much you have. Hell, it’s even possible you will not even be aware of having an impact at all if you carry yourself with the humility and grace that sets you aside. The impact you have is the fuel in the fires of others.

Let your fire set theirs soaring. Let them see just how bright and hot and ferocious it can be. Let the world see you’re burning bright. Irrespective of what may be put there to dampen your flames, let the world know you’re still burning.

Don’t let your pilot light fade…

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com

Bittersweet Me…

This week has been a bit of a mixed bag of emotions for me. Sunday was a 3 way hit of joy, sadness and loss. Every now and again we will have days where we have a lot on our minds, and on our hearts. Sunday was one such day.

No: 1

It was my youngest son’s 17th birthday, which brought happiness as I have seen him grow from a baby to the young man he is becoming. He is polite, kind and has a heart as big as a house. Not to mention his music taste now has developed into something very similar to mine so I now have another gig buddy. Nothing beats the experience of sharing live music with others. When it’s your child, it becomes even more special. So for his birthday it was only fitting that he got concert tickets, so we get to share a musical experience and make a wonderful memory.

No: 2

It was Mother’s Day. I got to have a video call with my mum in the care home she’s been resident in now for 3yrs with dementia. Oddly, Sunday marked the 3rd anniversary of her becoming a permanent resident. Now, my mum is 89yrs old, so it is reasonable to expect aging to affect her and our lives. But this horrible disease has taken hold over the last 5yrs, and continues to rob her of her capacity and leave only a vacuous shell of the strong woman she once was. A deterioration that is continual, and heartbreaking. She is starting to forget those closest to her, and the last 20yrs are pretty much gone from her memory.

No: 3

Sunday marked the second anniversary of my father’s passing. He was taken from us following a short, aggressive battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 85.

Dad wasn’t one for talking on the phone, which with me living in a different country for the last 20yrs of his life, he in Northern Ireland and I in the south of England, unfortunately phone calls were my most regular source of contact. Even though I knew he felt uncomfortable, and often would quickly hand the phone over to my mum while they were together, he was always happy to hear from me. Surprisingly even after mum went into permanent care, he would occasionally phone me.

I will cherish the memories of his calls. It meant a lot for him to do so, and he would always finish with “good to hear you son”.

Thankfully, due to mum’s diminished capacity she isn’t grieving for my father. A small mercy.

Even sitting here writing this blog entry, the emotion is hitting hard. And I’m not too proud to admit I have just wiped a tear as it rolled down my right cheek.

I guess the message this week is that sometimes life throws a lot at you at once. It can be like spinning plates as you go from one emotion to another, but the important thing is to take the time to realise each. To embrace them and to let them have their moment, because the meaning behind them should be cherished for the years of joy, sadness or loss.

Life can be bittersweet at times. But sometimes we just need to embrace what comes our way and to let the memories sweeten the sadness. They will if you let them.

Sweetness follows…

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com

What Was The Question…?

If you could know the absolute truth to one question, what would it be and why?

Think about it, throughout life we all have questions. Questions we ask of ourselves and of others, but most of them change as we journey through life. As we grow and as our experiences differ, our perceptions change and as such our questions change.

I am sure that the question a 20yr old would ask will be very different from that of a 50yr old. Both ages have a potentially long life ahead of them, so there are a myriad of possibilities. But the maturity of life experience will differ in our approach to the quest for answers.

Sometimes we can, and do accept flippant answers. We may even feel like we are getting brushed off with being told what we want to hear. But when you want to know something, then intrinsically it will drive you in the search for the answer. Or at least it should do.

The other thing you will find as your years advance, is that answers become more meaningful, in that you get better at deciphering quality over quantity. Your acceptance of either should be something you take responsibility for, and take consideration and council from yourself in the gravity you place on how it affects you. Because affect you it will. Maybe not every answer you are given, but some. Some will hit you harder than others.

This is a good thing. Even if it doesn’t seem so at the time. This brings clarity as your journey progresses.

I know I regularly write about being honest to ourselves. This honesty extends to the way we question, and to the way we acknowledge the answers.

Question everything. Never feel comfortable in just accepting.

Go on, what was that question…?

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com

A Leap In The Dark…

It’s always good to set yourself new challenges. Doesn’t matter what it is, or how random or bizarre it may feel at the time, but it is the concept of giving yourself something to push for.

Last week I gave myself the challenge of doing something new. Something a bit random and very different. I undertook a training course and then subsequently took my HGV Class2 driving test.

The thing is I love driving, and riding my motorbike too. So taking another license seemed like a good choice for something to challenge myself with. The instructor led training was fine, apart from atrocious weather. Weather that continued into the test itself – I can’t remember ordering torrential rain, sleet and hailstones for my driving test. But got them in abundance.

As you can probably already guess I did pass. Today, one week on it still feels a little bizarre to know I am a qualified truck driver. But I’m quite proud of myself for taking on another challenge. Just because I am 50 now, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to continue to grow and develop and push myself. Quite the opposite, I feel more ready now to do just that, and I implore you to do the same. It’s not a midlife crisis, but more a greater sense of self belief. Old dog and new tricks? Maybe we are never too old to learn something new.

Think about it. When is the last time you gave yourself a challenge? Most of us have goals set for us on a yearly basis in our employment, and hitting them is part of the basis of performing well in our career. But giving ourselves a goal is something more. When we give ourselves a goal we should do so because we want it. Whatever ‘it’ is.

In the words of Henry Miller, “All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience”.

Just know that at whatever age you are now, you’re at the perfect age to do whatever it is you want to. There’s no point in wishing you’d done it before, as you can’t get that opportunity. But you do have the present to achieve anything you want. Sometimes all it takes is a little, or huge, leap in the dark.

Who’s ready to leap…?

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com

Drug of Choice…

I am pretty sure many of us will encounter people at some point in our lives who have a problem that they’d rather not deal with. Most likely there is a denial, and non-acceptance that leads to an almost disbelief that they have a problem at all.

Now, I know we all have our problems. We all have things that we deal with day to day, week by week and we continue to push on to the very best of our abilities. But this is not about dealing with, trying to deal with, or even acknowledging. This is about the outward denial and the inward ostrich – the burying your head in the misguided belief that it will just ‘go away’.

The most common type is through addiction. Most commonly alcoholism, substance abuse, medication or perhaps even gambling. But it is something that will bring an individual down to a shadow of their former self, and one that they will not believe is them; well not outwardly anyway.

I know it can be hard to ask for help, and it would be foolish to think it is as easy and straight forward as that. But the honesty of acceptance is the start. Forget about denial and forget about trying to be the ostrich. Once someone can get past that, and only when they really are honest with themselves before anyone else, then will they enable the facilitation of change. The allowance of betterment, because no matter how bad an addiction is, addressing it through the first stage of accepting responsibility for one’s own actions can bring betterment.

The first step will always be the toughest, because it’s the one that needs total honesty. Everyone who has ever addressed an addiction has been one step closer to beating it. No one who has been the ostrich has ever got their real self back.

Never be afraid to be honest with yourself, to start with it is between you and yourself. Nobody else, not until you’re ready. Then it becomes the moment where help becomes a reality, and the journey starts to gain momentum at whatever pace is required. But it’s a start. Everything needs a start. Addictions need the start of acceptance to enable a stop. But be gentle, as it’s a vulnerability that will never have been felt before. It’s laying yourself bare to yourself.

Until someone acknowledges they have a problem, they will always be the embodiment of the problem…

Happy Damn Friday! x

I’d love to hear from you – you can reach me on:

@happydamnfriday on Twitter

happydamnfriday@outlook.com